I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
