How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
