Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
