Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
