he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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