I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
so much tequila, so little girl.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
