I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
