hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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