Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
