I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You pole danced in your parka.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
