There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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