So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You left your phone here
Wait...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
