I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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