would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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