i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I cockslap morals
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
