I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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