i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
