New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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