Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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