My friends, they love my intelligence
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
