now i know why i became what i already was.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
