She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Blood and glitter go together right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Floor bacon is actually really good
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
