Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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