all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
and you fell through a lawn chair
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