There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
