you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
