he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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