it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
