your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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