they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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