Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
