i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
