please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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