i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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