Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
