Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
