I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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