I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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