hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
