We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We're too hungover to prance.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
