Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
