Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we have officially lost it.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
