and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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