This is not my ceiling
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
