The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
