Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
