this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
