so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
