3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
