Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
