If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
wow bdsm is so cute
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
